I was going to engage in this discussion over email but thought I would break netiquette to talk about it here instead, because it might interest some of my Gentle Readers.
Is there a published set of rules by which males in the Victorian era were expected to approach and express interest in females?Not that I can pull out of a hat at short notice, although some of my readers out there may know differently (see comment on books on manners from a reader below). There might be something in the
What Charles Dickens Ate and Jane Austen Knew book, but I have packed it away for the move so I can't check. I would urge caution not to rely on characters from Austen as, in her very subtle way, she is breaking the rules of courtship, not obeying them. Dickens, of course is more interested in the lower echelons of society, and he too is writing human-interest stories that involve, by their very nature, tampering with social convention. You might look later in time, oddly Wooster in P.G. Wodehouse's 1920s set books, behaves (around women) in a rather Victorian manner. It's part of the way Wodehouse is driving conflict.
Is there a published set of rules for the converse direction?Again, I don't know, but a good general rule is that (as with sex) a lady always starts the conversation and a gentleman always finishes it, and in the middle the gentleman should act more than he talks. He is responsible for fetching things the lady needs (e.g. tea, punch, fan, dance card) and asking questions that a lady might like to answer, nothing too personal or intrusive (e.g. weather, fashion, dance, food, society).
Were the rules different depending on social class?Absolutely, completely different. And dependent on ethnicity and location of said middle and lower classes as well, both within and outside of London. In general, the middle class from about 1840 on was
far more strict about observance of social rules than the upper class for whom, particularly the gentlemen, many of the rules were reverse relaxed (possibly because they were dabbling with whores). In this respect you see very high-class men using low class slang but in their Eton accent (with other gentlemen), while the middle class try to imitate what they think is high class and taking it too far (nouveau riche). And, of course, if you are blue blooded enough almost any eccentricity could be forgiven in both men and older married/widowed women. A note on the military ~ kept mainly isolated when they returned from, sometimes, decades fighting abroad, they had their own kind of culture and interactions. The officers, bought commissions, did reintegrate somewhat into society but it could be difficult for them. There is a reason military men usually married the daughters of other military men.
Lastly a word on outside influences, and this from my archaeology background. Victorian England did not exist in a bubble. Much as they hated to admit it, London especially was open to influence from across the channel and across the pond ~ dress, society, food, technology, and language. Victorians were cooking with pasta and calling fashion, objects, cuisine, and behavior by French titles. In addition to the middle class trying to break into high society, moneyed (via industry) Americans were traipsing over, particularly in the 1870s & 80s, to
Get Culture through education or marriage (i.e.
The Buccaneers unfinished last novel of Edith Wharton's). All of these components had their effect on what we, all too often think of as, isolated Victorians.
SourceGail's Daily DoseYour Infusion of Cute:
Parasol art installation in Houston.
Your Tisane of Smart:
Secrets from a Sunken Egyptian CityYour Writerly Tinctures:
Some very good advice on how writers should respond to rejectionCAKE in Space: Back from agent, but now I don't have time for it.
In which I am Restless Violet's first steampunk novel. Not sure
Soulless ought to rightly be the vanguard of steampunk lit, but what the hay, I'll just go around lulling people into a false sense of absurdity.
SPOILER ALERT! Amazon has posted
Changeless cover along with blurb. Blurb gives bits of Soulless away so don't read if you haven't read the first book!
Blameless: Handed in!
Quote of the Day:
"After all, one knows one's weak points so well, that it's rather bewildering to have the critics overlook them and invent others."
~ Edith Wharton
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